Category Archives: My Home

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I was looking at my hard drive and came upon my writings from my classes from the past year. For the next few months I’ll share some of my writings with you. It’s me being authentic and courageous. They are straight from my mind, mostly a stream of consciousness on my current journey. Some essays are more thought through.

I hope you enjoy the insight into my life. I am grateful that you care enough to want to get to know me better.

Enjoy and I love you

*This is an essay I wrote as a response from the following TedTALK:
TEDTalk: Danger Of Silence

January 25, 2016

Danger of Silence

We all have a story or a truth to tell. Recently I have made some tough life choices and soon realized, I don’t know much about what I want out of life. I’ve been married, raised a family, bought  a couple houses, divorced, lost a couple of houses, changed careers, moved away to Hawaii for a year, became a college student and now I’m here. The line Clint Smith speaks in his TEDTalk, Danger of Silence made me think about my life and where I was headed. For much of his life he spent saying what other people wanted to hear.

I have spent most of my life telling people what they wanted to hear also. I sacrificed myself in many ways by being a dependable wife, a hard working parent, a model daughter-in-law, a responsible and accountable mother, a reliable friend and a caring and giving daughter.

I have looked the other way when I was treated poorly by my husband, bosses and friends. I accepted that my life would always be like it is.

One day in 2013 I realized that I was important and had a choice to change how my life was headed. I soon made decisions that created a domino effect in my life. I moved out on my own. I quit my unfulfilling job. I took care of my mom who had breast cancer. Life is way too short was my new outlook. I moved to Hawaii. I swam with dolphins and sharks and made life long friends with people whom I connected with on so many different levels. I became more clear headed of who I was and what I wanted to do. I decided to go back to school, to become a nutritionist, to help people live happier and healthier lives.

While my friends and family were surprised by this new ‘me’, I felt awakened. I heard my own voice loud and clear. It was a long time coming. So now, I am no longer quiet in what I want. I ask for it now. I continue to be helpful, nurturing and reliant. I am first doing it for myself, which fuels my passion to then be that way to others.

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Invisible Me

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So the last time I posted anything to my blog, I was a different person. I was making some choices within my life that would affect the next decade(s). I had filed for divorce, I moved to the Big Island of Hawaii, I detached myself from a life I had known since I was twenty, (i’m almost 45 now), and I focused on myself. I began a transition into starting over. I had no house. I had no savings. But I had freedom to make any decision about my life going forward. It was SO strange. It still is at times actually.

In detaching myself from material things, I also weeded through my garden of acquaintances, friends and possibly enemies. I narrowed my support circle to just a handful of loving friends. I focused on using Facebook as an avenue to share articles about health, eating organic and loving oneself. On Pinterest, I focused on my hobbies, animals, knitting and self love. And Instagram, I focused on my creative side. I posted photos of my fermenting, jamming and of the little things in my day that brought the most amount of happiness like sunsets, sunrises and hot toddies on a cold night.

I recently moved back to the Bay Area and enrolled in college. I am now focusing on my second career, becoming a Nutritionist with a focus in Community Health. Being back in school, among bright eyed twenty somethings has been very humbling! Yet, I feel a connection with them as we all have something to learn from one another. This week is finals week and I am feeling overwhelmed. And anxious. And highly emotional which then transcends into self doubt, unfortunately. Up to this point have I made the best decisions for myself? Is going back to school the right thing to do? Moving back to the mainland the best step for me?

I recently attended a woman’s creative workshop that focused on becoming more in touch with your inner queen. Amazing photographer, Stacy del Rosa took the photo of me above. This is what she said about the picture, “When I see this photo of you, I see a woman in love with her own becoming. A woman who keeps a sacred message just for her inside her crown. A woman who is willing to see the whole of herself and love all of it with compassion and kindness.” I was speechless when I received this picture. Her words couldn’t be more true.  At times when I feel that I can’t do this new life, I look beyond the self doubt and realize I am loving who I am becoming. I can do this!

I continue on with an open heart and an open mind

xoxo

 

 

 

Mele Kalikimaka! Merry Christmas!

My first Christmas in Hawaii! And the first post from me in a long while…where should I begin?

I’ll start with the last post back in September. I alluded to lots of changes that created a new found momentum for me. I did lose 50 lbs during my weight loss study at Stanford. I filed for a divorce. I worked on becoming Authentic Amy. I fell in love with life during the past year too. My eyes opened. I moved to an island in the South Pacific with my dearest best friend and her family. I live on her island homestead filled with fruit and nut trees, gardens and lots of maintenance needs. It’s been an amazing two months since moving here, creating a veggie garden, pruning overgrown avocado and banana trees and learning about centipedes, cockroaches and the non migratory Monarch Butterflies that live on the property. We will be adding a small of chickens soon to assist in the pedes and roaches. I have been learning what my baseline emotional and physical needs are too.

I’ll slowly get back to blogging. I have missed it actually.

So while this post is short, behind it lies volumes about what we need to be happy. If you you look in a mirror right now, it’s the reflection you see. Happiness begins with you. So until next time…love yourself! Hug someone tight! Grow some food!

Merry Christmas Friends!

Mele Kalikimaka!

mmmmmm

mmmmmm

They are huge here!

They are huge here!

 

Happy New Year Nostalgia

2014.
I have a bubbling suspicion that this year will be chock full of change. Can you feel it too?

The past few months have been churning, status quo, the motions continue forward, however a few weeks ago my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve been overwhelmed by the feelings that spout out from such news. The really good thing is that she found it in its early stages. The initial reports showed 3 tumors and a mastectomy was arranged. Cancer was found in her lymph nodes also, so she will be prescribed chemo and radiation.

The last week I have been recuperating with her at home since surgery, which went really well, but feeling nostalgic. There really is nothing like that feeling of curling up in bed with your mom in bed, no matter what age you are…and I’m 42!

This morning I woke up at 1a and at 2a and at 4a when I decided to just get up. Even though I’ve been visiting for over a week, the one thing I have been meaning to do is look through the photo albums. My parents seemed to have captured the perfect memories to our childhood. Capturing the snippet of time that a point and shoot camera accomplishes. I laughed a little and cried a tear or two, but helped me remember how goofy my brothers and I were. And now with families of our own, how our offspring now resemble how we were all back then. The family vacations, the family parties, the cousins…so many cousins! The holidays, the family pets, the messy house, the moments where my brothers and I passed the time by dressing up as monsters, giving talent shows or beating each other up. There are even a few of me as a teenager, being moody and embarrassed being in public with my parents.

I would really like to wish a resounding Happy New Year to everyone, but happiness is just not what I see. There will be lots of change and recovery, and some pain, hopefully not too much.

So until next time here are a couple pictures of my parents, one on their wedding day in 1966, and one 9 months later the same year.

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The little red things

Yes I’ve been absent, physically and mentally but thought I’d share these pics from this morning before work.
All it takes to brightens someone’s day are tiny little red things…

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This of course is Rosalee, look at her waddles and comb they are coming in nicely! And she loves tiny little red things…Happy holidays!

Case of the Mondays

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This past Monday I woke up tired and out of sorts. I fed the pups, let the chickens out to free range a bit before work and went back inside to make some tea. I also made a scrambled egg sandwich on Rudis GF multigrain bread. Since this past year with my allergy, I haven’t really wanted to eat bread. I no longer craved it, but this morning, I knew I wanted an egg sandwich.
As I was walking down the hall, the entire sandwich slid off my plate. Ugh! So it ended up that my dogs had a nice breakfast instead of me. I went back into the kitchen and tured the kettle on. I’ll make myself some tea I said to myself…I grabbed a mug from the cupboard and accidentally bumped it against my sink. It cracked in my hand, leaving me with a cut. I washed the cut, put a bandaid on it and reminded myself that yes its Monday, but I had tomorrow off. I need to get through the day…I MUST get through the day…
The past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling fatigued. Maybe it’s the changing of the seasons, who knows.

Even though the morning didn’t go as planned, no more disasters happened. In fact on my way to work I made myself laugh because at first I was feeling bummed my favorite mug broke…but then my next thought was that ALL my mugs are my favorite! Not just that one. I had many left to enjoy!

Here’s a chicken picture for no reason except that yes, those fluffy furry puffballs are hens. And she’s probably thinking, what you looking at?

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Summer was just here, I swear

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The summer’s coming to end. The days are definitely getting shorter. The weather still has some heat, however my garden is getting tired. The tomatoes are not really turning red and the zucchini are growing few and fingerling sized.

School is back in session which equals to hellish commutes…who’s whining? 🙂
But I do know that love is about and shows up when you least expect it sometimes.

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Today I decided to take out most of my garden to get it ready for the Fall garden. I usually dread this task because it is admittance that summer really is over. After clippinga and pruning the vines I was left with a few pounds of immature tomatoes. And what does one do with all that fruit? Make relish!

Being raised on the West Coast, green tomato relish wasn’t something that I ever had. However after reading this recipe Farm Girl it had a familiar resemblance of chili verde. So I decided to give it a try.

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I had all the ingredients handy and it didn’t take more than an hour and a half. You can find the recipe on the link above to Farmgirl.

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I used a water bath method to can them. I will share a few jars with my family, however after sampling the finished product it was amazing. Not only can it be used for chips and dip, but I can use it to make chicken chili verde too.

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With the end of summer, good things do come from the changes of the season. Finding the heart shaped tomato today validated my decision to grow food for my family, which I shared pounds of tomatoes with friends and family with my abundant crop…taking the time the other night to look at the beautiful sunset then stare at the stars reminded me to be grateful for what I have and the life I live.

Onwards and upwards to your dreams…

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