So the last time I posted anything to my blog, I was a different person. I was making some choices within my life that would affect the next decade(s). I had filed for divorce, I moved to the Big Island of Hawaii, I detached myself from a life I had known since I was twenty, (i’m almost 45 now), and I focused on myself. I began a transition into starting over. I had no house. I had no savings. But I had freedom to make any decision about my life going forward. It was SO strange. It still is at times actually.
In detaching myself from material things, I also weeded through my garden of acquaintances, friends and possibly enemies. I narrowed my support circle to just a handful of loving friends. I focused on using Facebook as an avenue to share articles about health, eating organic and loving oneself. On Pinterest, I focused on my hobbies, animals, knitting and self love. And Instagram, I focused on my creative side. I posted photos of my fermenting, jamming and of the little things in my day that brought the most amount of happiness like sunsets, sunrises and hot toddies on a cold night.
I recently moved back to the Bay Area and enrolled in college. I am now focusing on my second career, becoming a Nutritionist with a focus in Community Health. Being back in school, among bright eyed twenty somethings has been very humbling! Yet, I feel a connection with them as we all have something to learn from one another. This week is finals week and I am feeling overwhelmed. And anxious. And highly emotional which then transcends into self doubt, unfortunately. Up to this point have I made the best decisions for myself? Is going back to school the right thing to do? Moving back to the mainland the best step for me?
I recently attended a woman’s creative workshop that focused on becoming more in touch with your inner queen. Amazing photographer, Stacy del Rosa took the photo of me above. This is what she said about the picture, “When I see this photo of you, I see a woman in love with her own becoming. A woman who keeps a sacred message just for her inside her crown. A woman who is willing to see the whole of herself and love all of it with compassion and kindness.” I was speechless when I received this picture. Her words couldn’t be more true. At times when I feel that I can’t do this new life, I look beyond the self doubt and realize I am loving who I am becoming. I can do this!
I continue on with an open heart and an open mind