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Invisible Me

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So the last time I posted anything to my blog, I was a different person. I was making some choices within my life that would affect the next decade(s). I had filed for divorce, I moved to the Big Island of Hawaii, I detached myself from a life I had known since I was twenty, (i’m almost 45 now), and I focused on myself. I began a transition into starting over. I had no house. I had no savings. But I had freedom to make any decision about my life going forward. It was SO strange. It still is at times actually.

In detaching myself from material things, I also weeded through my garden of acquaintances, friends and possibly enemies. I narrowed my support circle to just a handful of loving friends. I focused on using Facebook as an avenue to share articles about health, eating organic and loving oneself. On Pinterest, I focused on my hobbies, animals, knitting and self love. And Instagram, I focused on my creative side. I posted photos of my fermenting, jamming and of the little things in my day that brought the most amount of happiness like sunsets, sunrises and hot toddies on a cold night.

I recently moved back to the Bay Area and enrolled in college. I am now focusing on my second career, becoming a Nutritionist with a focus in Community Health. Being back in school, among bright eyed twenty somethings has been very humbling! Yet, I feel a connection with them as we all have something to learn from one another. This week is finals week and I am feeling overwhelmed. And anxious. And highly emotional which then transcends into self doubt, unfortunately. Up to this point have I made the best decisions for myself? Is going back to school the right thing to do? Moving back to the mainland the best step for me?

I recently attended a woman’s creative workshop that focused on becoming more in touch with your inner queen. Amazing photographer, Stacy del Rosa took the photo of me above. This is what she said about the picture, “When I see this photo of you, I see a woman in love with her own becoming. A woman who keeps a sacred message just for her inside her crown. A woman who is willing to see the whole of herself and love all of it with compassion and kindness.” I was speechless when I received this picture. Her words couldn’t be more true. ¬†At times when I feel that I can’t do this new life, I look beyond the self doubt and realize I am loving who I am becoming. I can do this!

I continue on with an open heart and an open mind

xoxo

 

 

 

Some pictures to take your mind off of current events…

It saddens me to hear such horrible news about what happened at the Boston Marathon today.
As a runner, a mother, a woman and an American my sympathies and love light go out to everyone involved.

I have been meaning to post some photos of my dogs after coming to the realization that one thing dachshunds do real well is sleep…or is that all dogs?

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Well…this picture pretty much sums up my holiday. This was taken yesterday on Christmas. I have been working 6 days a week, for the past three weeks. I feel exhausted, overworked, tired, pain, exhausted, overworked, tired, pain…
I know I chose a career in retail, I’m celebrating 20 years in the field in fact, this year I really felt disengaged from my family and friends this holiday season. I tried to stay calm (most days). I decorated the home like I usually do. I made handmade gifts, baked and listened to Christmas music daily…but nothing got me motivated. Not sure what that’s all about, but I don’t feel like myself. Bah humbug!
On a good note, I will be hosting our annual New Years Party so I have something to look forward to…
I do hope you take this moment to hug and love those whom you are close to. Despite my feelings, I am extremely grateful for my family and my life. My son said yesterday was one of his best Christmases to date.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Cheers to 2013!

Just Do It!

Some may think that’s a cliche’.
Some may take it as a directive.
I take it as a leap of faith. As I was rediscovering my first blog from 2007, I came to acknowledge that I can write. I can be witty and sincere at the same time or is that just being sarcastic? I have been thinking about lots of things lately. Lots of things I want to change about myself. Lots of knitting I want to create, lots of gluten-free food I want to make that will satisfy my hunger for full gluten, and thinking about how I can become happy again. Honestly folks, I’m in a rutt here is sunny California. Some call it being an empty nester, which by the way I don’t want to accept as a label especially since if I wanted to I could make my home a non-empty nest by putting my son on restriction, forbidding him to leave the house, pulling him out of college…Maybe I can Home College him! Now that’s an idea!
For reals though, usually I’m a happy go lucky type, who makes people feel good about themselves, by hugging and cooking for them and making warm wooly knitted items to keep them warm and secure. My mom always said I came out of the womb smiling. I got those happy genes. I just seem to have misplaced them over the past couple years that’s all…
Anyways. Today I’m just doing it. I’m beginning a new chapter inside the interwebs, to document forever in time according to whomever owns the interwebs, my thoughts, my recipes, my antics, my creations and dreams that dance around inside in my head. Maybe my perspective willh help others even if in a zone-out web surfing kindda way. Enjoy the journey! Allez! Tally Ho! Onwards and Upwards folks!